Big. Scary. Goals.

When my Grandmother was still alive she used to worry about my goal setting. She'd tell me that my goals were too high and that she feared that I'd always end up heartbroken if I didn't achieve them. This was often related to my educational or career goals. As in, I wanted to go to medical school and when I fell way short of that goal, applied to law school and was rejected by all seven schools. (I got the last letter on the way to visit Grandma in the hospital after her second open heart surgery and chose that moment to break it to my parents that I was moving in with Hubby after the semester was over. Go Big or Go Home.)

She didn't mean to cut me down with this concern. My Grandmother was from a different era. Women could be successful but only so far as it allowed them to still be mothers and support their husbands. She always worked and ran several successful businesses but her focus was her family.

So I did what anyone would do. I ignored her advice to shoot for the attainable and kept dreaming of what could come next. Then I worked towards it. The bigger, the better. 

And really, that has kind of worked for me.  There isn't anything more frightening than becoming a foster parent. Except maybe adding in a Masters Degree, Half Marathon Training, and a move while actually foster parenting.... But see what I mean. Big. Scary. Goals. #crushedit

But there was one thing that terrified me. Weight Loss and so I didn't every seriously put it on my goal list. The eating is really my emotional crutch. And my 100lbs extra? My armor.  I really liked being the curvy, fearless, confident woman. I worked hard to love myself in the skin I was in and if I took that away, well then people might not like me anymore. They might see an average woman with opinions. And worst of all? I had been failing at weight loss my entire adult life. I'd hit pockets of stable weight but nothing that was lasting. I was a Weight Watchers Member for more than 7 years and only managed to gain weight. 

So here we are at my biggest scariest goal yet. Lose nearly half my body size.